That title got your attention, didn't it? ;)
I've been thinking about how two-sided love is. It isn't just about being loved...which honestly, I think most people focus on. It's also about loving the other person, having a desire to speak life and truth over them and minister to their heart, not just wait for them to lavish you in luxurious attention.
Supposedly men have a need to love and women have a need to be loved (at least primarily). But I think things are perhaps a little out of whack when each person focuses only on one or the other aspect of this. Some girls want simply to be cherished, and some guys just want a girl to cherish--and sometimes it ends up not mattering so much who it is or how they treat or are treated in return (in no way am I saying this is true of everyone or even most people I know...just a thought). I've prayed for the guy friends I have, who are so very special, that each one will find a girl who appreciates all that they are...who isn't simply enthralled by the interest and love that he shows her. I personally believe that guys need to be valued too.
I recall a conversation with a great friend in college our freshman year. She was telling me about a guy she had a crush on. She then went on to say that there were five guys on campus who she really respected more than anyone else. I asked her, "So, is the guy you like one of those five?" She said he wasn't. I was surprised by this. The guys I have liked have always been among the ones I respected the most. Doesn't it seem like it should be that way? Hmm. Thankfully, my friend married someone else, one of the greatest guys on campus. I'm so glad God knows and orchestrates what is best for us. Thanks for tuning in to another session of relationship philosophizing with Melody....if you could see into my brain, you'd know it never ends. :P
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Would you marry the same person again?
Here's something I've been chewing on for a few days...
So, I was reading Reader's Digest the other day (yes, I read Reader's Digest. It's one of my favorite things). The March 2010 issue of RD surveyed married people worldwide with the question, "Would you marry the same person again?" To quote the article, "On average, 68 percent of respondents in 15 countries would again say 'I do' to their spouse.'" I guess 68% is pretty good odds, considering what a train wreck our culture is, in general, when it comes to successful relationships and marital happiness. Yet, no way would I want to be part of that 32% who regrets the 2nd most important decision of their lives. (I like to think that people aren't nearly as confusing as they seem, and that their current character is a pretty good indication of what they'll be like in 10, 20, 40, 70+ years. I imagine God waving all those little red flags and then his head sinking into His hands because He knows we're ignoring the warning signs.)
Months ago a vocabulary word and its definition appeared on my idle computer screen:
nullity |ˈnəlitē|
noun ( pl. -ties)
1 Law an act or thing that is legally void.
• the state of being legally void; invalidity, esp. of a marriage.
2 a thing of no importance or worth.
• nothingness.
ORIGIN mid 16th cent.: from French nullité, from medieval Latin nullitas, from Latin nullus ‘none.’
Every time I read this definition, it makes me sad. When I think about how a marriage can be labeled worthless or meaningless so very easily, my heart hurts. In no way am I a "marriage is all butterflies in a lush valley surrounded by cotton candy and rainbows" kind of person. I've witnessed the reality (from various sources) of the absolute nightmare it can be. Yet, now I see, now I know that it can be the wonderful, lifelong partnership it was meant to be. (I'll hold out for that.) Just thinking about how man can nullify something so precious that God ordains, something that leaves a lasting mark, no matter what is on paper, makes a hopeless feeling settle in my gut. There's some good advice on our wall at home by H. Jackson Brown Jr.: "Marry the right person. This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery." I know, I know. There's almost for sure a few of you getting offended at that statement. (I have to ask...have you ever been married? Probably not. :P) Even if you're a believer on fire for God and His kingdom, who loves your spouse with all that you are, what if they don't care? What if they were great in the beginning, but then morph into a stranger who doesn't want to love anymore? I think some of my greatest fears stem from this. But I know that God is good and that it's all in His hands. Sometimes, I ponder all of this and think it must break His heart to see what we have done with the institution He created. Marriage is such a reflection of His love toward us and the relationship that we have with Him. I realize that I still don't understand this dynamic, but hopefully someday it'll make more sense.
I wrote way more than this...looks like it's going to be divided into several posts. "The Relationship Rants." Hahaha. :-)
So, I was reading Reader's Digest the other day (yes, I read Reader's Digest. It's one of my favorite things). The March 2010 issue of RD surveyed married people worldwide with the question, "Would you marry the same person again?" To quote the article, "On average, 68 percent of respondents in 15 countries would again say 'I do' to their spouse.'" I guess 68% is pretty good odds, considering what a train wreck our culture is, in general, when it comes to successful relationships and marital happiness. Yet, no way would I want to be part of that 32% who regrets the 2nd most important decision of their lives. (I like to think that people aren't nearly as confusing as they seem, and that their current character is a pretty good indication of what they'll be like in 10, 20, 40, 70+ years. I imagine God waving all those little red flags and then his head sinking into His hands because He knows we're ignoring the warning signs.)
Months ago a vocabulary word and its definition appeared on my idle computer screen:
nullity |ˈnəlitē|
noun ( pl. -ties)
1 Law an act or thing that is legally void.
• the state of being legally void; invalidity, esp. of a marriage.
2 a thing of no importance or worth.
• nothingness.
ORIGIN mid 16th cent.: from French nullité, from medieval Latin nullitas, from Latin nullus ‘none.’
Every time I read this definition, it makes me sad. When I think about how a marriage can be labeled worthless or meaningless so very easily, my heart hurts. In no way am I a "marriage is all butterflies in a lush valley surrounded by cotton candy and rainbows" kind of person. I've witnessed the reality (from various sources) of the absolute nightmare it can be. Yet, now I see, now I know that it can be the wonderful, lifelong partnership it was meant to be. (I'll hold out for that.) Just thinking about how man can nullify something so precious that God ordains, something that leaves a lasting mark, no matter what is on paper, makes a hopeless feeling settle in my gut. There's some good advice on our wall at home by H. Jackson Brown Jr.: "Marry the right person. This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery." I know, I know. There's almost for sure a few of you getting offended at that statement. (I have to ask...have you ever been married? Probably not. :P) Even if you're a believer on fire for God and His kingdom, who loves your spouse with all that you are, what if they don't care? What if they were great in the beginning, but then morph into a stranger who doesn't want to love anymore? I think some of my greatest fears stem from this. But I know that God is good and that it's all in His hands. Sometimes, I ponder all of this and think it must break His heart to see what we have done with the institution He created. Marriage is such a reflection of His love toward us and the relationship that we have with Him. I realize that I still don't understand this dynamic, but hopefully someday it'll make more sense.
I wrote way more than this...looks like it's going to be divided into several posts. "The Relationship Rants." Hahaha. :-)
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
The Patience of Trust
Life would be so much easier if no trust or patience was required of us. Well, I suppose it isn't required, but it is part of having a healthy relationship with God. And with people, actually. These daily decisions that lead to inner knowing, these moments when I yield it all to Him and lay it all on the altar, when I take a deep breathe and remind myself that patience is key.....all of this has been a struggle for me this week. When you catch glimpses of the future God has for you, it can take restraint to not reach out and grab it prematurely. Now may not be the time. But He has good things for us, most definitely.
I see now that there are seasons in life. I see that my life will consist of many seasons, more than I ever imagined. When I was in college (more towards the end of my education) and friends would ask what my life goal or hope was, my answer was incredibly simple. I wanted a peaceful and happy home. That was all. My family had been through constant crisis in various forms throughout all of my high school and college experience. There wasn't anything more attractive to my heart than peace. But then I graduated and went home, to my chagrin. I didn't want to be here, yet I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God had put me here. I began to remember dormant dreams and realize new ones. I began to get to know myself, without much influence from others, which was what I needed. Even the times of restlessness and feeling like I had no purpose were good in their own way. Piece by tiny piece the puzzle of who I was, who I needed to be, and what I needed to do, started to come together. It wasn't in any way reliant, or at least didn't need to be, on my major in college, what I was known for on campus or who my friends were. I realized that I have a deep need to either work with/interact with people or be in a creative environment....preferably both. My own business, such as in the area of jewelry or fashion design (I've always been drawn to the entrepreneurial way of life), being a wife and a mom, and maybe even missions (God has done a lot in my heart as far that is concerned!...), etc etc...there are many possibilities, could be part of my destiny. I used to limit myself by figuring that, for example, if I wanted to have a comfortable home someday, then obviously I probably wouldn't end up overseas. Or if I was a missionary, then I might not be able to implement certain ideas I've had. Yeah, that is confusing. But, basically, God has turned over all my smart thoughts on all of this and shown me that I have simply to trust Him, and that all of the things He has laid on my heart will be fulfilled in their proper time and due season. And I see that He'll awake even more dreams and hopes that I would never had thought of. I have only to trust Him and take it day by day, step by step. It's amazingly freeing! Now I'm not anxious like I once was. Now the idea of not knowing what the future holds is kinda....dare I say it....exciting. :-D
Over the last few months I've felt a pull to do more involved in a service/ministry oriented way. I think God knows when we're ready to be poured out. In college there were lots of opportunities to serve or minister to kids that fit right in with the life of a student. I miss going out to New Life Ranch in Colcord, OK every week to clean out stalls, get the horses ready, lift small children into the saddle, assure them that they were doing a great job, and just spend time getting to know their little hearts. They were so adorable! I often wonder how they are and lift them in prayer to Him who knows. Nearly all of those kids came from rough family backgrounds and it's easy to worry that they'll continue on the same path that Right Lead pulled them away from. Benjamin was the first kid that I mentored. He was eight years old and the CUTEST kid with such a sweet spirit. Whenever I would arrive, he'd run up and give me a big hug with much excitement (the kids always called me "Miss Melody"). But when it was time to go, he barely acknowledged it. I surmise that this was due to him being used to people he cared about walking out of his life and not coming back. He would tell me about his "grandma" that he lived with who taught him about Jesus (more likely his foster mom). Benjamin would usually be the first kid to volunteer to pray during our devotional times. The one time that he forgot his cowboy boots, his horse stepped on his foot. The poor kid cried so hard. I miss times like that....not painful toes, but just the interactions, the pouring into others. When I returned for the spring semester, I was told that Benjamin was no longer in Right Lead because his mom was out of rehab so he moved back with her. I wonder where he is now. Now I feel so much more equipped to help those kids than I ever was then, but I still know that God uses those times; the seed has been planted. Anyway, there's a rabbit trail for you. :-) This post is ending in a completely different way than it started.....it's pretty long, so I'll continue my other thoughts later! Bye for now...whoever it is that actually reads these. :-)
I see now that there are seasons in life. I see that my life will consist of many seasons, more than I ever imagined. When I was in college (more towards the end of my education) and friends would ask what my life goal or hope was, my answer was incredibly simple. I wanted a peaceful and happy home. That was all. My family had been through constant crisis in various forms throughout all of my high school and college experience. There wasn't anything more attractive to my heart than peace. But then I graduated and went home, to my chagrin. I didn't want to be here, yet I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God had put me here. I began to remember dormant dreams and realize new ones. I began to get to know myself, without much influence from others, which was what I needed. Even the times of restlessness and feeling like I had no purpose were good in their own way. Piece by tiny piece the puzzle of who I was, who I needed to be, and what I needed to do, started to come together. It wasn't in any way reliant, or at least didn't need to be, on my major in college, what I was known for on campus or who my friends were. I realized that I have a deep need to either work with/interact with people or be in a creative environment....preferably both. My own business, such as in the area of jewelry or fashion design (I've always been drawn to the entrepreneurial way of life), being a wife and a mom, and maybe even missions (God has done a lot in my heart as far that is concerned!...), etc etc...there are many possibilities, could be part of my destiny. I used to limit myself by figuring that, for example, if I wanted to have a comfortable home someday, then obviously I probably wouldn't end up overseas. Or if I was a missionary, then I might not be able to implement certain ideas I've had. Yeah, that is confusing. But, basically, God has turned over all my smart thoughts on all of this and shown me that I have simply to trust Him, and that all of the things He has laid on my heart will be fulfilled in their proper time and due season. And I see that He'll awake even more dreams and hopes that I would never had thought of. I have only to trust Him and take it day by day, step by step. It's amazingly freeing! Now I'm not anxious like I once was. Now the idea of not knowing what the future holds is kinda....dare I say it....exciting. :-D
Over the last few months I've felt a pull to do more involved in a service/ministry oriented way. I think God knows when we're ready to be poured out. In college there were lots of opportunities to serve or minister to kids that fit right in with the life of a student. I miss going out to New Life Ranch in Colcord, OK every week to clean out stalls, get the horses ready, lift small children into the saddle, assure them that they were doing a great job, and just spend time getting to know their little hearts. They were so adorable! I often wonder how they are and lift them in prayer to Him who knows. Nearly all of those kids came from rough family backgrounds and it's easy to worry that they'll continue on the same path that Right Lead pulled them away from. Benjamin was the first kid that I mentored. He was eight years old and the CUTEST kid with such a sweet spirit. Whenever I would arrive, he'd run up and give me a big hug with much excitement (the kids always called me "Miss Melody"). But when it was time to go, he barely acknowledged it. I surmise that this was due to him being used to people he cared about walking out of his life and not coming back. He would tell me about his "grandma" that he lived with who taught him about Jesus (more likely his foster mom). Benjamin would usually be the first kid to volunteer to pray during our devotional times. The one time that he forgot his cowboy boots, his horse stepped on his foot. The poor kid cried so hard. I miss times like that....not painful toes, but just the interactions, the pouring into others. When I returned for the spring semester, I was told that Benjamin was no longer in Right Lead because his mom was out of rehab so he moved back with her. I wonder where he is now. Now I feel so much more equipped to help those kids than I ever was then, but I still know that God uses those times; the seed has been planted. Anyway, there's a rabbit trail for you. :-) This post is ending in a completely different way than it started.....it's pretty long, so I'll continue my other thoughts later! Bye for now...whoever it is that actually reads these. :-)
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