"Nahhh...that's for the 'special' ones:" Marveling at God's Provision and Care

Soooooooo.....I'm going to Africa!!  

A few (of the very few) of you who follow this haphazard blog may already know this.  I feel compelled to explain a bit more of the backstory of how I arrived at this threshold--this point of preparing to cross the sea and the challenge of raising the rest of my $2,800 (plus the extended outreach!) tuition by April 25th (yes, today!).

Three months ago I applied for the Harvest Missions School with Iris Ministries in Pemba, Mozambique.  On the very dark night/early morning of March 21st, I received a "rejection" letter via email.  I didn't get accepted.  I was crushed and disappointed.  Yet, I could still see myself there--there, where God's overwhelming love abounds even more than the prevalent poverty, hardship and pain. I immediately responded to the offer of being on the waiting list, even though I could barely see past the thick fog of the moment.

Over the next two weeks, God worked in me and began to chip away at the rejection that was lacquered across my heart.  There was so much more to it than Mozambique.  Every group or team that I had applied to in college and didn't get accepted to flooded back to memory--Resident Assistant, Orientation Leader, Student Ministries––even the camp counselor position I applied for after college.  Of course, past relational disappointments played a role as well.  Thankfully, I can look back on each of those "failures" and see God's wisdom and grace in the closed doors.  However, this current desire was closer to my heart than any past pursuit and thus meant so much more. It wasn't just something that seemed like a good idea or would be a positive and stretching experience.  It felt weighty, and I knew I had to go.  The day after I received the ill-fated email, a friend, knowing it would speak to me, suggested I listen to the testimony of Jennifer Miller Toledo. My friend was right––it was timely.  I went to a Passover Seder the next week.  Again, rejection came up when the leader felt a prompting to pray for anyone who had a stronghold in that area.  I felt the battle within, yet I was also aware of God's healing in that moment.  The word from numerous friends concerning these thwarted plans was "protection."  The Father was protecting me––I knew not from what.

Saturday, the day before Easter, graced us with sunny loveliness.  I decided to head to the park near our house, in need of setting my heart right with God about that which is deep and dear to me--including the fait of my summer.  I wandered the park aimlessly for a few minutes, not quite at rest.  Coming up to the little creek, I walked across the bridge and leaned against the railing.  The rhythmic rush of the gentle stream flowed with peace and calm across the rocky bed.  I began to seek the Lord, asking for a path.  He said, "Just rest in me." A genuine surrender warmed within me. God, I don't to be zoned in on one thing and be set on only that.  Here's my heart, wide open to whatever You have for me.  Journeying through my Bible, I came to Jeremiah 33:3. "Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known." The night the email came from Iris I found a highly affirming note from my older brother, written about nine years before, which referenced Jeremiah 33:3.  As I sat in the green grass ceilinged by the Toy Story blue and white sky, I reread this passage and it's header "The Lord Promises Peace." Ahh, and then the Psalms––such a salve in times of heart distress.  Psalm 131:2, "I have calmed and quieted my soul. Like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me."  Yes, I thought with relief. THAT is why I am here today.  I have calmed and quieted my soul.  Rising after about an hour and a half, I headed home, grateful and reassured that I'd be ok, no matter what God had for me in the future.
.
On the afternoon of April 3rd, my phone rang.  I didn't recognize the number, so I didn't answer.  Yet I sensed a magnitude and an electricity and thought, "Wow, who is calling?!"  I listened to the voicemail. "This is Tony Maxwell from Iris Ministries.  If you could call me sometime in the next day, that would be most excellent."  I instantly knew.  It couldn't mean anything else. When something is withheld and then later given, how much more precious it becomes when it is finally received––often more so than if it had been bestowed immediately, I thought. It took me an hour of steadying myself to call back.  I was on the waiting list and spots were available. But was it an instant yes?  No!  I  needed time to think and pray about this. Thankfully I had ten days to decide.  You know, it's a funny thing to get a rejection letter and an acceptance letter from the same organization.  I had mixed feelings at first.  I had begun to dream about various projects at home––gardening; aquaponics; volunteer opportunities.  I asked for prayer and wisdom from many of the people who have poured so much into me.  I was struck by how special that is--to have such individuals and couples just a text, phone call or living room away. It didn't take long for the confirmation to rise within my heart--I definitely wanted to go!!

Such a shift unfolded over those two weeks.  I strongly believe that God had to break that rejection off of me before the doors could be opened.  I'm not sure that I would have felt accepted even if I had been in the beginning.  Quite a few individuals from the church I started attending in December went to the Harvest School.  I've honestly had the thought that of course they were all accepted right off.  The first Sunday after the good news phone call, I waited till the end to speak to one of the elders, a wise and loving man with a large family.  When I had first applied to Harvest School, I mentioned it him.  Even though I didn't know him very well, he prayed for me and his immediate reaction was, "You're going. And it'll be great."  He added, "When you write your support letter, bring it to me, and I'll help you out." Wow, what?!  I thought.  I hardly know this person, yet he is willing to do that?  And how is he so confident about the outcome of this? He wasn't the only one who spoke in such a manner.  I was blown away.  So, this Sunday when he finally made his way towards me, I told him how his words had come true, and how much it all meant to me.  He looked at me and said, "The same thing happened to my daughter!" Evidently she had applied, didn't get accepted, but then got a call later  asking if she still wanted to come.  Something humbling and sweet stirred within.  I needed to hear that.  I needed to really get that it wasn't about one person being cooler than another––it wasn't just for the "special ones"––a Greater Power had His hand on this. 

The $200 deposit for the school was due nearly two weeks ago.  I only had half of it the day before.  BUT THEN....I was struck speechless by a donation of $1,000 from a generous friend.  Wow.  I had heard such tales of provision, but, again, couldn't admit that part of me thought this only happened to the select few.  Would someone really do that for ME?  Would GOD do that for ME?  A couple days before this, I spent hours making a custom order of whale shaped decorated sugar cookies for a customer on Etsy.  It was really much more time and trouble than I had anticipated, yet I strongly felt that it was important for me to do the order–no matter the effort.  I was stressed about how they would turn out.  The customer loved the cookies!!  She also sent me a message saying that she had noticed on my profile that I love Jesus and that I'm going to Africa.  She said that she loves Jesus too and she wanted to write me a support check!  Wow. Again.  My heart was overwhelmingly blessed by the very thought.

As it now stands, as far as I know, I still need close to $1,000 for the tuition...the tuition that is due TODAY (not including airfare, insurance, visa, etc.). Ahhhhh.

If you would like to help out, contact me at melodyious@gmail.com.  Also, there's a PayPal donate button below, or go to https://www.irisglobal.org/giving-center/harvest/.  Under Remaining Tuition or Outreach Payment, type "Melody Mitchell, Harvest School 18." Yes, a shameless plug. :-)  Thanks for reading about this journey.  Yes, there is much on my heart concerning this–much that I did not share in this post (even though it's super long!!).

FRIENDS.............God is SO good!  The very awareness of such an opportunity evokes gratefulness.  The Father gives His best.

others may...but I can't?

Others May You Cannot

"If God has called you to really be like Jesus, He will draw you into a life of crucifixion and humility, and put upon you such demands of obedience, that you will not be able to follow other people, measure yourself by other Christians, and in many ways, He will seem to let other people do things which He will not let you do.

Other Christians, and ministers, who seem very religious, and useful, may push themselves, pull wires, work schemes to carry out their plans, but you cannot do it, and if you attempt it, you will meet with such failure and rebuke from the Lord, as to make you sorely penitent.

Others may boast of themselves, or their work, or their successes, or their writings, but the Holy Spirit will not allow you to do any such thing, and if you begin it, He will lead you into some deep mortification, that will make you despise yourself and all your good works.

Others may be allowed to succeed in making money, or may have a legacy left to them, but it is likely God will keep you poor, because He wants you to have something far better than gold, namely, a helpless dependence on Him, that He may have the privilege of supplying your needs day by day out of an 'unseen treasury.'

The Lord may let others be honored and put forward, and keep you hidden in obscurity, because He wants to produce some choice fragrant fruit for His coming glory, which can only be produced in the shade He may let others be great, but keep you small.  He may let others do a work for Him and get the credit for it, but He will make you work and toil on without knowing how much you are doing: and then to make your work all the more precious, He may let others get credit for the work which you have done, and thus make your reward ten times greater when Jesus comes!

The Holy Spirit will put a strict watch over you, with a jealous love, and will rebuke you for little words and feelings, or for wasting your time, which other Christians never feel distressed over.  So, make up your mind, that God is an infinite Sovereign, and has the right to do as He pleases with His own.  He may not explain to you a thousand things which puzzle your reason in His dealing with you, but if you absolutely sell yourself to be His love slave, He will wrap you in a jealous love, and bestow upon you many blessings which come only to those who are in the inner circle.

Settle it forever then, that you are to deal directly with the Holy Spirit, and that He is to have the privilege of tying your tongue, or chaining your hand, or closing your eyes, in ways that He does not seem to use with others.  Now, when you are so possessed with the living God, that you are, in your secret heart, pleased and delighted over this peculiar, personal, private, jealous guardianship and management of the Holy Spirit over your life, you will have found the 'vestibule of Heaven.'"

-G.D. Watson (1845-1924)

My entire life I've heard this from my mom (who learned it from my grandmother): "Others may, you cannot."  Friends who have this print hanging on their wall shared it with us recently.  It is a reminder that I've needed.  (I'm also grateful for an explanation to accompany the saying.) It doesn't always make sense when we sense the check of conviction or caution about something that is "no big deal" to everyone else--and if we're honest with ourselves, there are times it doesn't really bother us either, "our worldly inspired logic"--but our spirits are stirred.  Oftentimes, the things we aren't permitted to do are actually good things, but of course that doesn't mean good for us now.  I often wonder if God says "No" simply to see if we'll be obedient.  Is our relationship with Him is more valuable to us than indulging in what is currently desirable?  Recently I feel as if I've been "sitting on the fence" frequently when it comes to loving Jesus completely versus letting myself be momentarily enamored by other "lovers." Idolatry can so easily capture our hearts and bind our spirits.  I want to choose the valuable thing, the best thing, to be "so possessed with the living God, that [I am], in [my] secret heart, pleased and delighted over this peculiar, personal, private, jealous guardianship and management of the Holy Spirit over [my] life."  Yes yes yes.

Parks and (not so)Wildlife

Ready for my park journey!

WELL.  I decided I should blog again!  It's been quite awhile, hasn't it?  Not that I assume my "readership" has noticed, haha. :-)  It isn't that I haven't had anything to write about.  I always do.  I mean, I'm always thinking about something, so I figure there must be material.  But, there has been much on my heart over the last few months, and sometimes I wasn't so sure I wanted other people to be able to see into my inner being.  You see, I'm not very good at writing about things that aren't close to my heart.  (Maybe this is why my research papers and essays in college were always so horrible? If you deny this, you never read them or reviewed my grades.  So there you have it.)  Frequently I find myself writing paragraphs in blog form; I thought this might be a sign.

The best view in the park.

I went to the park today.  After sword fighting with evil bacteria for most of a week in Kansas City and then coming home only to succumb to the dreary ways of a cold-flu for another week, I needed fresh air.  Ahh, it was nice.  I swung on the swings that are supposedly meant for 5-12 year olds, figuring I don't weigh that different from when I was 12.  This was glorious and my heart sung praises to God for all His goodness to me.  After about five minutes my hips and thighs, which do not resemble a 12 year-old's, started to feel a little cramped due to the narrow swing.  I was super glad that I came when I did, as it wasn't long before the skate-boarders descended on the place.  It isn't that I don't enjoy the sounds of children playing gleefully, but sometimes I like to forget that I live in the suburbs and tiny wheels clashing with pavement is rarely peaceful.

As I walked along and finally arrived at my favorite perch atop a rocky place, I was completely amazed at the beauty that surrounded me.  Actually, I think I was awestruck that I recognized it as beautiful.  I mean, everything is dead.  And brown.  One might say gloomy.  Yet there was something glorious about it.  I was surprised at my thankfulness.  This spurred more thankfulness, for I realized that God must have done a work in my heart.  I struggle with winter and cold.  Not a fan...for very long.  Nearly always ready for summer!  Anyway, the fact that I could look around and say,  "I really have no idea what is going to happen and trusting can be hard...but, WOW.  Look how wonderful the world is!"  says something.  I think back to college days, when winter could actually be called winter.  There were times when my spirit was burdened or I was down about something--and that's all there was to it.  It didn't matter that winter, crystal encrusted trees and all, was indeed a lovely sight to behold.  It was shaded by my bleak view of the world at that moment.  Wow.  Now things are different.  Hallelujah!

So today, I am grateful.  Thanks, Jesus!



Probably seems like an abrupt ending....but I'm tired...sooooo.  And, hey, this isn't the end, anyway, right???!